DOKAN 4/Dokan 04.iso/Webs/otakuworld.com/misc/fanfic/square03.txt

Text File | 1998-06-06 | 14KB | 285 lines

                        Ranma Jijou, Part Trois
                      (Ranma Squared, Part Three)

              A Silly Ranma 1/2 Fan-fiction by Dov Sherman

Ranma 1/2 and its characters are all copyright and trademark to Rumiko
Takahashi to whom this fan-fiction is dedicated.


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                         Chapter 5: Easy Ranma

As Ryouga walked down the sidewalk, he glanced over at Shampoo walking
beside him.  "Are you sure this plan is gonna work?"

Shampoo nodded.  "Great grandmother very wise.  Plan great grandmother
plan.  Plan work!"

It still sounded pretty iffy to Ryouga but it was better than anything
he could have come up with.  He just hoped that old crone knew what she
was getting him into.

Pointing to an intersection ahead, Shampoo said, "Kunou pass this way
when Kunou go home.  Ryouga wait here for first part plan."

Ryouga looked at the corner he thought Shampoo had indicated, nodded,
and headed toward it.  Before he could get too far, Shampoo quickly took
him by the shoulders and spun him around to face the correct direction
and watched him carefully until he reached the intersection.  With a
quick wink to her accomplice, Shampoo hopped up onto a nearby wall and
then into the concealing branches of a tree where she could watch the
encounter without being observed.

In the intersection, Ryouga glanced about nervously and checked a clock
in the window of a corner shop.  School would have just ended a few
minutes ago so Kunou should be along pretty soon.  Ryouga looked at his
reflection in the shop's window.  It was still Ranma's face staring back
at him, turning his stomach.  But it was a necessary hardship and, as a
warrior, he couldn't let himself buckle under the strain.  Ryouga tugged
at the hem of his Chinese shirt and smoothed out the wrinkles in his
pants.  He wasn't used to wearing long pants without his leg bindings
but it was necessary for his disguise to be convincing.  From head to
toe, he had the face, the body, and the clothing of Ranma Saotome.  How
revolting.  Just looking at this image of his most hated enemy in the
reflecting surface of the window sickened him to the point of nausea. To
think that this horrific face was now his own.  Ranma's glassy eyes,
replacing his own thoughtful gaze.  Ranma's sneering lips here; forever
gone his own warm smile.  That weak chin, the delicate cheekbones, he
was stuck with them now.

"Salutations, Ranma Saotome."

Ryouga spun around to face Kunou.  This was it.  Time to put part one of
Cologne's plan into action.  The basic idea, as Ryouga understood it,
was to make life in Tokyo as unbearable as possible for Ranma so that
he'd actually want to leave Japan and return to China with Shampoo. This
was to be done by arranging as many unpleasantries as they were able to.
This first part should be fairly easy.  He just had to make his act
convincing.  Think like Ranma.  Imitate Ranma's rude manners and speech.
What did Ranma's voice sound like?  Ryouga had always thought it sounded
Strangely like a masculine woman's voice.  Unsure of how easily he could
pass for Ranma, he just hoped speaking as naturally as he could would
suffice and the changes the Megusenkyou spring had worked on him would
do the rest.  He just had to imitate Ranma's speech patterns and
mannerisms as best he could.

Ryouga leaned against the window, crossing his arms.  "Yo, Kunou!  How's
it going, dude?"

"You will address me as `sempai', Saotome."

Ryouga wiped his nose with his sleeve and spat up some phlegm onto the
sidewalk.  He hoped it was convincing.  "Yeah, whatever."

"How the swine does wallow in its filth... your manners are unbefitting
even of a peasant, Saotome.  Now stand aside so that I may continue my
perambulations."

"Not so fast, `semPAN'."  Good insult.  He just hoped he wasn't going
too far, calling Kunou a war criminal instead of an upperclassman.
Still, it was the kind of thing Ranma would do and he had to be sure his
performance was believable.  Ryouga belched loudly and said, "You still
after that pig-tailed girl, Kunou?"

Kunou glared at him angrily.  "You know well that I love her, Saotome.
As does she I.  It is only your base treachery which keeps her from
rushing to my arms as is her wont.  Yes, I love her.  What of it?"

Ryouga shook his head.  "Okay, then.  She's yours.  I won't stand in
your way."

Kunou blinked.  "If this be some trickery, my vengeance shall be truly
terrible, Saotome.  Do not trifle with the Blue Thunder!"

Ryouga dug a finger into his nose.  "No trick, Kunou.  Take her.  Do
whatever you like.  She'll probably be at the Tendo Dojo tonight if you
want to find her.  Doesn't matter to me in the least.  Oh, and be sure
to pinch her butt a lot.  She likes that."

Kunou eyed Ryouga suspiciously.  A light breeze tousled his hair.  "So,
you have finally admitted your impotence in standing between my goddess
and myself.  I must admit I did not expect your arrogance and ignorance
to ever allow such a thing to pass."

"Oh, yeah.  Well, you know me, I've got plenty other chicks hanging
around.  What's one more or less?  They all look pretty much the same
lying down, right?"  Ryouga made a crudely suggestive gesture with his
arm and waggled his eyebrows.  He was really into the role now.  It was
difficult because he knew that he was not himself so depraved or
disgusting as Ranma and it pained him to have to act so.  What would
Akane say if she saw him like this?

"You are truly wiser than I suspected," Kunou said.  "Only a wise man
knows when his defeat is so inevitable.  Very well, I accept your
surrender of the pig-tailed girl.  You may tell her that I shall call
upon her at the Tendo Dojo this evening.  Now I shall take my leave of
you, Saotome.  I have much to prepare for my love's homecoming."  Kunou
stepped past Ryouga and continued down the street.  As Ryouga watched
him go, it was hard to tell but there may have been a little more bounce
in his step. He was able to confirm it when, about a block away, Kunou
broke out into a full, skipping gait and danced gleefully around the
corner.

"What a weirdo."  Ryouga grinned.  "They deserve each other."

Turning away from the intersection, Ryouga strolled back to where
Shampoo was watching.  That took care of part one of their plan.  With
Kunou's interest in the `Pig-Tailed Girl' increased, Ranma was sure to
start feeling the pressure to leave.  Now it was time to put part two
into action.


              Chapter 6: The Good, the Bad, and the Ukyou

"Ryouga!  Where you go?"  Shampoo leapt down from the wall where she'd
been running to catch up with Ryouga.

Ryouga looked up in surprise.  "Shampoo!  Where have you been?  I went
back to the tree where you'd been hiding but somebody moved it!  Anyway,
I took care of Kunou.  What do we do next?"

Shampoo grinned evilly.  "Now get rid Ranma's friendship!"  Taking
Ryouga by the arm, she stalked down the street toward a familiar
restaurant.

Ryouga looked up at the sign beside the doorway.  "The Ucchan...  Ah,
we're up to this part of the plan.  Okay, Shampoo, you go ahead and set
up what needs to be done for phase three while I take care of this."

Shampoo nodded to Ryouga and headed off down the street.  After watching
her go, Ryouga took a deep breath and tried to get into character.
Ukyou and Ranma had known each other a long time.  Fooling her would be
a real challenge.  Ryouga gritted his teeth, girded his loins, and
pushed open the door of the restaurant.

"Yo!  Ukyou!"  Ryouga stood in the doorway, a smirk on his face.

Ukyou looked up from her cooking and smiled brightly.  "Ran-chan!  What
a pleasure to have you in my restaurant!  Please," she said, waving
Ryouga to a seat at an open table.  "Have a seat.  I'll make you the
house specialty!"

Ryouga strutted arrogantly to the stool and clambered up.  "Yeah, well,
don't expect me to pay or nothing.  I'm broke."

Ukyou smiled.  "Don't worry, Ran-chan.  For a friend like you, it's on
the house."

"Whatever.  Just make it quick, I ain't got all day.  Gotta meet Akane
later."

Only the faintest twitch in Ukyou's face let him know he'd touched a
nerve.  Ukyou and Ranma were very close and it took a lot to turn her
against him.  Her devotion to that creep was sickening.  If Ryouga was
going to wreck Ranma and Ukyou's friendship, he'd have to do better than
that.  Ukyou could forgive almost anything Ranma might say.  She could
forgive his selfishness, forgive his rudeness.  Not that that meant it
was okay for Ryouga to stop feigning rudeness.  Not if he wanted to be
convincing in his portrayal of Ranma Saotome.  Ryouga openly scratched
at his crotch while he watched Ukyou cooking. He'd be glad when this
ruse was over with.  All this false rudeness was really starting to get
to him.

"There you go!  One Okonomiyaki Special!"  Ukyou flipped the okonomiyaki
onto a plate and set it down in front of Ryouga with a flourish.  It
looked and smelled delicious.

Ryouga looked at the okonomiyaki for a moment.  Ukyou had written "To
Ran-chan, with love" in sauce on it.  It was sickening.  Everyone liked
Ranma.  Shampoo liked Ranma.  Ukyou liked Ranma.  Akane lov... liked
Ranma.  What made him so likable?  The message on his plate only
emphasized the difficulty he'd face trying to hurt Ukyou.  There was
nothing Ukyou cared about more than Ranma.  Nothing except....

Ryouga's head snapped up and he glared at her.  "What the hell's this
supposed to be?  Still writing me love-letters on okonomiyaki?  Why
don't you grow up and start trying to be just a little bit
business-like?"

Ukyou drew back in shock.  Ranma insulting her business sense?  But he
knew how important her business was to her.  How could he say something
like that?

"Jeez, smells like shit."  Ryouga lied.  Ukyou gasped.  She glanced up
at some of the waiting customers who were listening to his complaints.
Ryouga took a bite of the okonomiyaki, made a face and spat it out onto
the floor.  "Tastes like shit too!  Amazing you can sucker people into
paying for this crap..."

Ukyou's jaw fell open.  "Ran... Ran-chan... how could you... I thought
we were friends!"  She looked to the door where the customers just
arriving were leaving after hearing Ryouga's description of the food.
"Wait!  He didn't mean it!  Don't listen to him.  He's just in a bad
mood!"

Ryouga could see the tears starting to well up in her eyes but he
pressed on.  "No, I'm not.  This tastes awful."  Ukyou fell back a step,
covering her open mouth with a hand.  It was working.  He'd found
Ukyou's weak point.  The one thing she cared about more than anything
else in the world: her business.  Okonomiyaki was her life.  She'd given
up all the pursuits most girls her age would have, dating boys, hanging
out with friends, fancy clothes, to pursue her art.  Now she was reeling
from his attack.  She couldn't defend herself against an assault so
close to her heart.  Now was the time for the final blow.  Ryouga stood
from his seat, leaned across the counter toward her, and sneered, "Akane
could do better!"

That was it.  That was the final straw.  The last nail in the coffin.
Ukyou started to reach for her combat spatula but couldn't find the
strength.  She looked at the floor in silence.  When she finally spoke
it was so quiet as to be barely audible.  "Get out, Ranma.  I don't know
why you're doing this... I don't want to know.  Just... just go."

This was wrong.  Ryouga realized how badly he'd hurt her.  He wasn't a
mean person.  Ukyou buried her face in her hands.  He began to reach out
to her but realized, if he apologized now, if he gave in, the plan would
fail and his insults would have been for nothing.  This plan was his
last hope to win Akane's heart.  It was the most important thing in the
world right now.  Still, how could have been so callous?  Insulting her
cooking and business-sense had been really hitting below the belt.  It
just wasn't like him.  Was being in Ranma's body starting to affect him?
Was he starting to think like Ranma?  It frightened him how easily
acting out the part was coming.  He glanced back at Ukyou and could see
her shoulders heave as she tried to stifle her sobs in her hands. Ryouga
bowed his head and walked out the door.

Out on the sidewalk, the customers who had left were still discussing
where to go instead of the Ucchan.  Maybe Ryouga couldn't repair all the
damage he'd done in his attack on Ukyou but, he could do at least this
much.  "Excuse me.  I... I wasn't really myself in there.  Don't leave.
The food here is great.  I just wasn't myself."

They stared at him, shrugged, and headed back into the restaurant.
Ryouga nodded to himself.  He'd tried.  That's what mattered.  Picking a
direction at random, Ryouga headed back toward the Nekohanten and phase
three of the plan.

From a nearby corner, a Turn Left sign watched him go.  When it was sure
Ryouga didn't know he was being observed, it sprouted legs and followed
him.




[Read this in Akane's voice while envisioning quick clips from an
upcoming episode]:

What's this?  A free dinner at the Nekohanten?  Sounds pretty suspicious
to me!  Next time on Ranma 1/2, "And Akane Makes Three"  Don't miss it!